Where am I

After been through one of the storms of my life, I totally lost the sense of orientation. Speaking the language not my mother tongue, communicating with the people not my size of shoe. I lost in the combination of the time and space.

I am an average guy, too old to claim myself as a boy and too stupid to be a man. Try to imaging a guy almost 30, sitting in a semi-duplex flat pondering nothing while his family spending a sweaty loads of money on this bloody expensive country for his 'pursuance of studying'. I always saying 'no matter how hard I tried. It just didn't works.', except that I never tried. I admit this is something extraordinary, but it just like the cup of soda drink differ from sizes, mine is an extra big shity cup.

Is the issue over yet? No idea at all.... What I know is I still miss it from time to time. But gradually I realised that it's not the person I miss, it's the feeling I really don't want to lose. I was happy and satisfied. The satisfaction made me blind on the reality. Ironically, when the sight regain, the motivation mobbed by the cruel reality that I witnessed. Without motivation, the struggle of life and death seems ridiculous. One thing I can confirm while in this stage of my life is that the person who suffered from lack of motivation will survived. At least won't end themself actively but passively, subtly, and indirectly. With a bit of luck, before vanished into ashes one might just recovered by something. The thing I also want to found a long time ago....

So, where am I? I am in the middle of something. In the middle of many things. In the middle of nowhere. I am in the middle of the misty mist and I am afraid of it very much.